BOOGEYMAN DISTRICT 5781A, SUNDAY 18, OCTOBER 2026, 8:00-9:00PM
In Attendance
Mr. Socks Arthur, Chairman & President
Mr. The Hairy Man, Vice-President
Ms. A Dinosaur, Secretary
Mr. Dracula #74871
Mx. Narrow Harrow
Agenda
-Welcoming of the new member
-Roll call
-Discussion of the move
-Refreshment break
-Vote on proceedings
-Final comments
Minutes of Meeting
8:00PM: A hearty welcome is granted to Mx. Narrow Harrow, the fifth and newest member of the district. Chairman & President Socks Arthur extends his personal gratitude to our expanded circle and assures all present that the district treats all its members equally, regardless of whether they originate from the internet, the silver screen, or a gruesome story told by a babysitter. Mr. Dracula #74871 inquires as to whether or not that extends to family members of the founders of the boogeyman professional association. Vice-President The Hairy Man tells him to shut up. Mr. Dracula #74871 inquires as to if that was an order. The Chairman & President makes use of the ceremonial gavel.
8:05PM: Roll call begins. Vice-President The Hairy Man motions to first complete the order of discussion from the prior meeting concerning the allocation of closet vs under-the-bed vs corner-of-the-eye hours (see minutes of SUNDAY 11, OCTOBER 2026) as the meeting was concluded before all parties had made closing arguments. Chairman & President Socks Arthur decrees that it wait until after roll call. Mx. Narrow Harrow informs the Chairman & President that according to the district charter the prior meeting was never formally concluded due to absence of closing arguments and therefore a new roll call is prohibited without interim absence (through injury or misfortune) or departure of any participants present. Mr. Dracula #74871 calls them a goddamned nerd. Mx. Narrow Harrow says they did the reading before arriving. Mr. Dracula #74871 demands to know if they actually did that or just asked a chatbot. Chairman & President Socks Arthur censures Mr. Dracula #74871 for offensive stereotyping. Mr. Dracula #74871 appeals the censure on the grounds that using a chatbot as a poor substitute for personal research is a general indication of poor scholarship and knowitallism, not one restricted to those originating from the internet. Vice-President The Hairy Man concludes his closing argument concerning the allocation of closet vs under-the-bed vs corner-of-the-eye hours. All present agree to whatever it was.
8:15PM: Roll call begins. Mr. Dracula #74871 complains that he is the only member of the district without a title. Mx. Narrow Harrow points out that they don’t have a title either. Mr. Dracula #74871 says that anyone with an entry on NameThatMeme.com doesn’t deserve a title. Mx. Narrow Harrow says that anyone who needs a serial number to be identified and isn’t even based off of one of the good draculas like Lugosi or Lee shouldn’t throw stones in a glass home. Mr. Dracula #74871 demands the censure of Mx. Narrow Harrow. Chairman & President Socks Arthur announces the refreshment break is happening early.
8:30PM: Refreshment break concludes. Vice-President The Hairy Man raises the issue of allocation of behind-the-dryer hours vs in-the-hallway hours vs outside-the-window hours, adjusted for a given member’s personal and professional preference for ambush, lurking, and out-of-doors work. Chairman & President Arthur Socks loudly introduces discussion of the imminent moving, tabling sub-topics of (A) relocation of district headquarters on the new premises (B) surveying and division of new boogeying areas (e.g. creaky floors, dark corners) and (C). Mx. Narrow Harrow politely notices that a new discussion may not begin with a raised issue by a member in good standing. Mr. Dracula #74871 informs Mx. Narrow Harrow that Vice-President The Hairy Man isn’t in good standing with anyone because if he were he’d have been nepo-helicoptered into a cushy boardroom at Boogeyman Central.
8:40PM: Vice-President The Hairy Man demands a vote for expulsion of Mr. Dracula #74871 from the district. Mx. Narrow Harrow clarifies that such a vote may not be called for by any member who is (A) a non-officer or (B) directly involved in dispute with the potential expulsee. Vice-President The Hairy Man informs Mx. Narrow Harrow that they should shut the h#ck up and demands to know why, if Chairman & President Socks Arthur is too big a wuss to stand up to Mr. Dracula #74871, Secretary A Dinosaur hasn’t. Secretary A Dinosaur informs the district at large that it is very difficult to type up minutes without the ability to pronate one’s hands and she is focused on her work. Vice-President The Hairy Man suggests that Secretary A Dinosaur use dictation software. Secretary A Dinosaur informs the district at large that her vocalizations are outside the range of human comprehension. Mr. Dracula #74871 raises the issue of why Secretary A Dinosaur is qualified for her position given the ‘obvious inadequacies’ of her physical form. Secretary A Dinosaur provides a frank and full demonstration of the inadequacies of a hominid bauplan when confronted with raptorial prey restraint (RPR).
8:55PM: Application of bandages and repair of meeting room. Several apologies are demanded and none are given.
9:05PM: Chairman & President Arthur Socks reintroduces discussion of the imminent moving and its accordant sub-topics. Mx. Narrow Harrow clarifies that discussions may not be reintroduced within the same date and time that they were initially raised. Mx. Narrow Harrow is commended for their due diligence, appointed to the position of Chief Legal Officer, and formally gagged using a copy of the district charter.
9:10PM: Preliminary suggestions of boogeying areas to be surveyed and defined using the new premises’ floorplan are heard. Mr. Dracula #74871 suggests that all lurking positions be supplied with free bloodbags, suggestion is denied. Chief Legal Officer Narrow Harrow suggests something through their gag, suggestion is denied. Mr. Dracula #74871 demands an immediate hold on all tabled matters until someone tells him why they get a title and he doesn’t, demand is denied. Vice-President The Hairy Man suggests that the matter of allocation of hours be hashed out and used to define the borders of boogeying areas on a case-by-case season-by-season member-by-member basis, suggestion is denied and Chairman & President Arthur Socks attempts to ram a balled-up wad of anklets through Vice-President The Hairy Man’s eyesockets.
9:30PM: Impromptu open-floor exchange of views and injuries is interrupted by Mrs. Thompson’s announcement that if the district doesn’t keep it down she’ll personally ensure the next meeting is conducted inside of the running laundry machine, and that furthermore it is past nine PM, why is nobody in her son’s closet.
MEETING ADJOURNED