Storytime: Heartwarming Yet Funny, 2.5/5 Stars.

August 28th, 2019

When Molly was four, one of her friends made a serious and heartfelt promise to marry her when they were grown-ups.
At the time she had no reason to think of getting six of those conversations in one week as anything but normal. In retrospect? That had been the early warning signs.

*

Elementary school brought new challenges, along with the first inklings that something seemed out of place. Half the class took it in turns to endlessly pester her while loudly announcing that they thought she was GROSS. Every Valentine ’s Day her locker overflowed with adorably sincere yet hopelessly embarrassing hand-crafted gifts.
Molly was allergic to chocolate. Her little sister loved her for it.
But oh, that was just the first little trickles. High school began, and the dam didn’t burst – it EXPLODED.

*

“Listen, Molly, there’s something I gotta- oof!”
“Molly! I need to tell you- OW”
“Molly! Where are you?!”
She was inside her locker, hyperventilating. She came out twenty minutes after the principal had hosed down the mob with a fire extinguisher, and snuck home that evening under cover of darkness, moving from shrub to shrub like a criminal chipmunk.
By her second year, Molly had felt out some basic rules for herself.
She couldn’t be too popular, or she’d be beset by swarms of suspiciously good-looking nerds, geeks, outcasts, and rejects.
She couldn’t be too unpopular, or she’d spend her days running and hiding from the most popular kids in school.
She couldn’t be too normal, average, or ordinary, or the school’s jocks, star students, and elites would make every excuse in the world to spend their time following her around, offering advice, and furiously trying not to stare at her.
In the end she found a nearly-perfect balance of being almost-but-not-quite ordinary but in a very boring way that wasn’t particularly quirky. Not liking ketchup on her hot dogs, for example, was safe. Enjoying peanut butter and bacon sandwiches? Too peculiar. Playing the trombone? Fine. Playing the tuba? Unsafe. Pet gecko? Doable. Pet spider? Too far.
By the end of her senior year the weekly lineup of boomboxes outside Molly’s window had shrunk down to three-to-four holdouts, all of them long-lost childhood friends she’d been secretly expecting to show up for years now, and she felt pretty proud about managing to attend prom without a date. Even prouder when she left without being detected by her thirty-six sighing, wistful, dateless best-friends-but-more that surrounded each exit.
If she’d known what was ahead of her… well.
Well, everyone said that.
But boy did she mean it.

*

“Your credentials are impressive.”
Molly smiled in what was the world’s most carefully neutral way.
“Yes, I think we can work with this. We can talk to Dr. Gordon and get back to you by the end of the week.”
Molly’s eyebrow twitched. “I’m sorry?”
“What is it?”
“I was under the impression that Dr. LaFontaine was in charge of this lab.”
“Oh, his heart got to him. Retired just last month. But Dr. Gordon was practically running the place before – such a bright young man. You’ve heard of him before?”
“Elementary school,” she said, blankly.
“I’m sorry?”
“Nothing. Don’t call me I’ll call you.”
“What are you-”
Molly tucked and rolled through the window in an expert dive, then brachiated home through the hedges like an arboreal shark.

*

“Secretarial work seems a little below the quality of this resume.”
Molly nodded.
“But then again, Mr. Stevens has high standards.”
Molly nodded.
“You start Monday.”
Molly nodded.
“Be early.”
Molly nodded.
“And try to ignore his…eccentricities.”
Molly nodded, then squinted suspiciously. “I’m sorry?”
“Mr. Stevens has particular qualities, and –”
The office door opened a crack and a ridiculously handsome and mildly dishevelled man stuck his head around the corner. “Tim? Where’s my vodka cart, my meds, and my quantum electronics handbook?”
“Coming right up, Mr. Stevens. I’m sorry miss, but I’ll be right…huh.”
“Who are you talking to, Tim, and why aren’t they ME? I’ve got some outlandish personality defects that need to be ceaselessly catered to in order for me to be minimally socially acceptable!”
“She was right here a second ago.”

*

“This is the fry cooker put the fries in the basket and pull them out when this goes ding.”
“Wonderful.”
“This is the ice cream maker it’s always broken so don’t ask how it works.”
“Great.”
“This is the patty grill just leave them here all day and put them on a bun. Use this flowchart.”
“Amazing.”
“First customer, go for it.”
A stretched limousine screeched to a halt in front of the restaurant, sixteen security guards, professional selfiers, and a wine-taster poured inside, and from amidst the chaos emerged an internationally known pop star.
“I’ll have the…” he began, and then his perfect face froze in a very familiar expression.
Molly sighed, swallowed, then threw the fries in his face and escaped out the drive-in window in a hail of bullets.

*

The monitor went ‘beep.’
Sometimes it hesitated.
Molly was tired of waiting for that little halt. She was ready to listen to anything else, or nothing else. Whichever came faster.
“…and I admire you so much for it,” finished up George.
She sighed. “How long we known each other?” she asked.
“Since you came to the home. So, ten years.”
“How long you felt like this?”
“Ten years.”
Molly coughed and gave up halfway through.
“Molly?”
Arms quivering with the weight of years and tubes and fluids, Molly reached up, took George’s hand, and yanked him into a Glasgow Handshake that exploded his nose like a bushel of overripe strawberries.
“I WIN, MOTHERFUCKER,” she cackled, and then she died.

The burial was logistically complex. In the end her nieces gave up, put two shovelfuls of dirt atop the writhing mound of sobbing funeral-crashers, and went home.


Storytime: Bit.

August 21st, 2019

It had been going so very well for all of them just five minutes ago.
There had been a half-open window. Terrible shame that; not even necessary in this heat. The Older had tut-tutted at it very firmly as the rust ate into its extremities and peeled it off like a grapeskin.
There had been a security door. It had been very fine and very expensive and incredibly modern and it had fallen apart like soft butter under the ancient and tender serrations of the Sleek Shark, its barcodes and binaries and PINs shearing off and away.
There had been a guy at a desk who’d said ‘password?’ and that was where the problem had started because Jimmy had said ‘uuhhhhh’ and no password in the world had ever started like that and they both knew it.

So now Jimmy was hiding in a bathroom being shot at. Again.
“Wish you guys had helped me out,” he said, and convinced himself he’d definitely been trying and failing to keep the resentment out of his voice.
No he hadn’t, the Mind All Light told him.
“Where were YOU?”
Right there. He’d just decided to say ‘uuhhhhh’ instead of asking it.
“Fine,” said Jimmy. He wasn’t sulking.
He was sulking, the Mind All Light told him.
“Am not!”
Was too.
“Am not!”
Duck, suggested the Older.
Jimmy ducked and the top of the bathroom stall sheared off and banged him on the head.
“Shit,” he considered. “Shit, shit, aw shit, shit shit shit.”
So he gave up and listened to the Completely Invincible Lizard.

Four floors later Jimmy kicked down a door shot five security manglers and placed a perfectly flawless thrown ball-point pen directly through the eye of a man in an impossibly expensive suit.
Then he sat down at the desk and threw up for a minute. Stitches.
When he was done he took the very small and expensive computer out of the pen-eye man’s pocket and slipped it in front of the Sleek Shark, which vanished into it without a ripple.
No traces. No records. As if he’d never been there.
Well, besides all the blood and everything. That’d be a giveaway.
It was times like this Jimmy wished he was still a janitor. There’d be nothing but quiet cleaning for days now. Very soothing.
Found another, whispered the Sleek Shark directly behind him.
Jimmy threw up again, almost but not quite masking the sound of tramping feet. Weapons were clicking to themselves, lungs were bursting with purpose.
“Awwwwww nuts,” said Jimmy. And he reached out to the Completely Invincible Lizard again.

***

Jimmy had spent very nearly twenty years on a derelict space station, keeping it running with polish and spit and elbow grease. He could clean anything. Anything.
Still, getting the blood off that stubborn little spot between his shoulder blades was extremely obnoxious.
Don’t bother, said the Completely Invincible Lizard.
“Pardon?” asked Jimmy.
No one said anything.
Well. He didn’t know what that was about. I mean, they had another name, another chance, another link in the long chain of folks that had decided to put people out in the middle of who-knows-where dark space to give them who-knows-who in their heads so they could be used for goodness-gracious-knows-what purposes.
And this time it would be perfectly quiet and safe and fine.

***

When he woke up he was in the middle of a firefight with sixteen other humans in a lobby the size of a baseball stadium, all of whom were larger than him, had bigger guns, and were huddling behind various makeshift barricades and screaming at each other over inbuilt comms. The Sleek Shark was porpoising through their electronic voices, turning them into helpless ripples and splashes.
“Aw dang,” said Jimmy.
Go away, said the Completely Invincible Lizard.

When Jimmy woke up for the second time that day he was standing in a different office, one that looked to have a bit of doomsday bunker in its genetics. There were office chairs, but they were bolted to the floor and had little deployable blast shielding covers.
The woman in front of him had been just slightly too slow to deploy hers. Her head was safe and secure but someone had used some kind of heavy-duty thermal weapon to incinerate everything below her neck.
“Gross,” said Jimmy. He dropped the heavy-duty thermal weapon he was holding and tried to throw up.
None of that, said the Completely Invincible Lizard.
“This is getting a little out of hand, you know?”
Look at the computer.
“You fried it if it was on her.”
In the table.
“Don’t wanna.”
This time Jimmy was awake for the entire firefight, and it was inside his head and he didn’t enjoy it one bit.
He had never seen the Completely Invincible Lizard up close before. He wasn’t seeing it now, but he was getting a very strong impression of teeth and sharpness and hardness and unflinching and uncaring determination.
Around them, uncaring, unceasing, spooled the Sleek Shark. It carried the names in its mouth and it shone very brightly with them. They brought out its smile.
You aren’t doing a very good job, said the Completely Invincible Lizard.
“But-”
And we don’t need to keep anything clean right now.
“Hey-”
So go away.
Jimmy went away.

***

Away was a peculiar place. It was dark and quiet and intangible and didn’t exist but Jimmy couldn’t see or hear or touch or exist either so that didn’t matter.
Things were happening out there. Animate, physical, material things. Murdering dodging sleeping (reluctantly) killing and so on.
It was almost soothing to watch until Jimmy remembered that was him. He’d had him taken away. That was uncalled for and unnatural.
It was very natural, said the Older, at his side. (It was the most brittle thing he’d ever imagined and it wouldn’t break). It is completely invincible. If it wanted to defeat you, it would. And it has.
But that’s not how it works, thought Jimmy. We work together.
Yes, and how often did that happen? You tend to ignore good advice. No wonder it got frustrated. Now it’s out there, and it’s doing what it does. And the Sleek Shark cuts its path, because it can never stop swimming and it doesn’t care who’s there as long as it can move.
Jimmy wondered how the Older felt about this.
Very similarly to him, as it turned out. They both knew about dirt. They both knew about waiting. They both knew about keeping things running. Although Jimmy was a little more laid back about those, and a lot of other things.
Two for two?
The Older suggested that starting a fight between them all might end poorly. Besides, their adversary was completely invincible.
You aren’t thinking, said the Mind All Light. It was warm and full and shining and it was remarkable because none of those things existed there, in away.
Jimmy wondered what he wasn’t thinking of.
It’s completely invincible. That’s in its name.
Yes.
Yes and?
Yes and what?
What ELSE is?

***

The Completely Invincible Lizard was not satisfied. It was incapable of it.
But it was something kissing-cousin-close to pleased.
Another emptied boardroom, another scourged databank, another cloud sucked out of the ether, and another target. And this one was in the same building, so it would have very little downtime needed.
Admittedly, the floors were sealed under standard doomsday protocols, but that was what hacking your way through the ventilation system was for. Also admittedly there were safeguards against that, but that was what the extremely large and destructive blade in its hand was for.
Not that the safeguards merited it. This entire shaft was dilapidated. Dusty and cobwebbed. Disused. Fousty. Cobwebbed. Dry. Cobwebbed.
Are there any spiders around? inquired Jimmy.
The Completely Invincible Lizard realized its mouth was slightly open and shook its head.
Looks like it to me. Big ones. Maybe some other stuff too if they’ve set up that many webs. Crickets?
The Completely Invincible Lizard found itself calculating the length of its tongue.
You’ve got to clean these things out regularly, or you end up with bugs everywhere, under every nook and
The Completely Invincible Lizard launched itself mouth-first at the cobweb, swallowed it and its (long-mummified) inhabitants whole, and lost itself in the wonderful sensation of mashed carapaces.
In that long, long pause, several careful things happened. A few people blinked and turned off and on again.
Then Jimmy opened his eyes and stretched and had hands and senses and the world again. “Everything’s sorted out!” he said triumphantly, as the top of the ventilation shaft opened up and someone dropped a grenade down at him.

The Sleek Shark handled that one.
The Older collaborated on the vents.
And the Mind All Light very carefully persuaded the somnolent and deeply full Completely Invincible Lizard that maybe if it could spare twenty seconds of its time to cross the lobby they could give it a break to digest and bask somewhere for a bit.

***

On the whole, although everyone personally agreed that they’d learned something, none of them were sure of the others.
But then again, isn’t that sort of skeptical and dubious love exactly what most families are made of?


Storytime: Bears.

August 14th, 2019

It’s rude to hammer on a stranger’s door like that, but the night was ruder still. Leering licks of rain on my cheeks, salacious lashes of wind against my stomach…nothing but damp, eager grossness for miles and miles around.
I doubled my rudeness and was rewarded with footsteps. Slow, stolid footsteps, unhurried but unhesitant. So I wasn’t surprised at all when my host opened the door and was revealed to be extremely fat.
I was a little surprised that it was a bear.
“Hello, hello, hello,” intoned the bear. “Who’s that knocking on our door?”
“Me,” I said. “I mean, me, Melanie. Sorry to bother you, but it’s miserable out and if I could just duck inside for a minute, I’d really appreciate it.”
“Why not?” said the bear. “Bad weather makes for good neighbours. Come in, come in!” There was a tie around its neck which bobbled in a disconcerting way whenever it spoke, and its mouth held an impressively tiny little pipe.
I maybe should’ve found it odder, that a bear spoke, but it didn’t seem shocked by it so neither was I. Clearly this was all intentional.
So I went into the house, which smelled of fur and soap.

Inside the house were two more bears, seated around a little round table. The smallest was a little shorter than me but – in the way of bears – probably double my weight at least. The middle bear was wearing an apron, and was trying to pick up a spoon with no thumbs.
“This is Mother and Baby, and I’m Father,” explained my host. “As you can see, we were just sitting down to dinner. Want some? It’s porridge. Good, nourishing, plain porridge. No sugar, no milk, no h-word –”
“Honey?”
There was a bang. Baby had jumped and knocked over their chair.
“In this house,” said Father carefully, “we don’t use the h-word. It’s good manners.”
“Sorry.”
“It brings up decadent, degenerate thoughts,” said Father a little louder than was strictly necessary, even against the background clang and rattle of Mother’s ongoing efforts to seize her spoon.
“My mistake.”
“Hideous, crawling, STICKY thoughts, that trickle and…”
“Humble apologies.”
Father shuddered like a man dropped in an ice bucket. “Anyways! Please have some.”
“But there’s only three bowls,” I said. “I can’t take your family’s food.”
“No, no, please, I insist. Mother needs to watch her weight – she’s in real danger of getting hefty. And as for Baby, well…”
I looked a little closer at Baby. There was a muzzle fitted over their snout, hiding most of their face except for the little dark eyes. They seemed worried.
“We’re just having a Time Out to teach everyone to respect their elders,” said Father. “Might have to dole out a spanking later. Spare the rod or spoil the child. It’ll hurt me more than anyone else, really. Here’s your porridge.”
It was a big spoonful. I took a little bite. My tongue split the difference and was merely sort of burned.
“Aagh.”
“Oh dear. Perhaps my porridge is a little much for you. Mother, give our guest some of your porridge.”
Mother dropped her spoon again, and this time it skittered under the stove. Father tsk-tsked soundly, plucked up his own spoon – which seemed to be a repurposed shovel – and gave me some of her porridge.
It was cold. It was lumpy. Actually, it was lumps, verging on lump. If this porridge had ever felt the heat of flame, it’d forgotten about it and then some.
“Eegh.”
“Goodness. Perhaps not. Baby, would you mind letting this nice young lady have some of your porridge?”
Baby said something. Or maybe not. It was hard to tell, with the muzzle. Father sighed, chewed his pipe, stood up, and smacked Baby on the side of the head, sending the cub caroming ass over teakettle into the stove. Squealing.
“Baby, you know very well that children should be seen and not heard,” said Father. “Sharing is caring. Now get in your chair again – and for pity’s sake, sit up straighter.”
Baby’s porridge was soothingly warm, well-stirred, and smooth as butter. I wasn’t very hungry.

After dinner we retired to the living room. It was unpainted, although someone appeared to have dabbed pawprints along the east wall before giving up entirely. In attendance were a couch that looked fresh from the dump, a rocking chair that looked more likely to roll over on you, and a discarded beanbag.
“I must apologize for the state of the house,” said Father. “We’ve only recently settled in, you see, and my wife has been somewhat lax in putting our affairs in order. Making a house a home, you know.” He sprawled himself expansively on the couch, felt around in the cushions, and produced a tattered newspaper. “Sit, sit.”
Baby sat down on the beanbag, and Father ground his teeth against his pipestem, sat up, and flicked Baby on the ear. “Not until the lady’s seated,” he said.
I looked at the couch and saw that most of it was Father by volume; I looked at the rocking chair and saw an interesting obituary; I looked at the beanbag and saw a thriving, nourishing habitat for small things with six legs.
I also saw Mother, standing against the wall. She was chewing her paws, and at my stare she flinched and whipped them behind her back.
“Sit, sit, sit,” said Father, rolling his pipe around his lips like it was toffee-coated.
“Oh, I can’t take Mother’s seat,” I said.
“Nonsense. She’s been a silly flittergibbit – cooked the porridge all wrong, didn’t paint the living room properly, hasn’t said a word to our guest, spoke out of turn to me over breakfast, all that sort of nonsense, etcetera, etcetera,” said Father. He hummed thoughtfully through his pipe. “Really, it’s a wonder I put up with her. Now take a seat. It’s only polite. A watched pot never boils.”
I sat down in the beanbag chair, doubtlessly extinguishing thousands of tiny skittering lives under my backside. Father grunted in satisfaction, riffled through his newspaper, and proceeded to read it upside down, held high to catch the last of the evening light through the murky clouds.
I stared at it, and things made a lot more sense.
“Well,” I said. “It’s been very nice of you to put up with me, but I should be going now.”
“Oh, no, no, no, no,” said Father. “It’s still raining out there. Can’t put you out in the rain, it wouldn’t be Christian of us. Better stay in.”
“But –”
“No buts,” said Father. He looked at Mother and Baby, still standing against the wall. “No buts,” he repeated. “No buts. No. None.”
“If it’s not too much trouble, I suppose I can stay on your sofa…”
“Sofa? Lord, no! You’ll get a bed, and be happy with it.”
Mother raised her head.
Father’s pipe dipped meaningfully and she looked away again, out the window, to the rain.

Father’s bed was an enormous, beaten-up old thing that looked to have been used to smuggle at least three bodies, one of which had left scraps caught in the exposed springs.
Mother’s bed was a tangle of old spruce boughs and pine needles, dumped into an empty wooden frame that was somewhere between IKEA and archaeology.
Baby’s bed was the beanbag from the living room, dragged into the familial bedchamber and covered with a generous tea-towel.
“I really shouldn’t,” I said.
“You really should,” said Father.
I started to say something that’d start with “but,” and then I saw Father’s pipe shifting around again.
Baby tried to crawl in with Mother, but Father raised his paw and his voice and Baby was exiled to the corner of the bedroom, where they formed a sort of fuzzy ball with no external features. Or targets.
I adjusted the horrible tea-towel and waited for the snores to start.
Soft little whimpers, kept low for fear. That was Baby.
Uneven, jagged inhalations, somewhere between a pant and a whisper. That had to be Mother.
And then the deep, confident rumbling nasal-festival began, and that could only be Father. Nothing else matched it.
Ten minutes. Five was what I wanted, but ten was what I needed. Enough to make good and sure they were asleep.
Nine-min-utes-and-FIFTY. Nine-min-utes-and-FIFTYFIVE. And-now-it’s-TEN.
I breathed in, I breathed out, I tensed and I heard Father stop snoring.
He got up. Quietly, I’ll give him that. Quiet for his size. It was amazing how much smaller the room seemed once he was on his feet; it was as if his snores had forced the walls back and now they’d fallen in, leaving this cramped little cavity, full of fur.
Then he moved. He moved past the dead leaves of Mother’s bed, warding his big feet against the dry crunches. He moved past the little trembling lump of Baby’s corner.
He moved to my feet, sticking out under the tea-towel, out from over the edge of Baby’s beanbag. And he stopped.
It was amazing how loud his breathing was, this close. Louder than his snoring ever had been.
I hadn’t untensed. Had he noticed?
But he leaned down, and I knew he hadn’t. Not to be moving this slowly, this carefully. He could see better than I could in the dark – especially with my eyes squinched near-shut – but he wasn’t looking carefully enough. Why should he be? He was in his house, which was his castle. Impregnable. Unconquerable. The ringmaster of his own domain.
He’d gone to bed with his pipe. It was still there, dangling from the corner of his mouth.
“Shh,” he whispered. The pipe wiggled and hummed, and an idea that had been bubbling up inside me finally boiled.
I snatched it. Left-handed, which nobody ever quite expects. And I was in a hurry, and I was frightened, and I snatched a bit hard and fast, and that’s why it snapped apart in my hand – that and the fact that it was just thin lacquered wood, over a frail tin whistle.
Father reared up with a snort that was more of a swallowed shout – it moved enough air to give me a new hairstyle (and a few grey hairs) and sprayed me with a good glass-full of moisture. The ceiling crunched against his skull and gave way; plaster sprinkled over us and gave him a powdering a judge’s wig would envy. Big dark eyes in a fat pale face, and they weren’t friendly, and his arms were up now, and his claws were out, and who knows what could’ve happened because it didn’t because someone else did first.

“Someone’s been sniffing round my den.”
The voice was thick, rough, unpracticed, and moist – with harsh mucus, with trickling anger. It was a voice you could find carved into an old limestone cave.
And it wasn’t Father’s.
He flinched. Just a little, but impossible to hide on a body that size. I saw his lips curl – not in a snarl, not quite: they were reaching for his missing pipe.
“Mother, go back to your –”
“Someone’s been sniffing round my den,” said Mother. She didn’t interrupt Father, he practically did that himself. There was a wheedling, plaintive edge at the end of his every word, like a mosquito.
He tried one last time. And I’m no expert – on bears, on people, on families – but there is something I’m pretty sure of: he shouldn’t have started his last chance the way he did.
“But-”
“Someone’s been SNIFFING round MY den,” said Mother. “And he will GET. OUT. NOW.”
Father reared back, and whether it was to raise a paw or turn away I’m not sure because Mother moved faster. She hit him hard, she hit him fast, and he spun round and his ear went out one window and he went out the other. By the time he hit the ground his legs were running, and by the time the rest of him had caught up and got started she was after him, and accelerating.

I sat there for a good minute – not a measured minute, a good one. Then I got up, undid Baby’s muzzle, and got out of the way before they bowled me over, chasing Mother.
They were all gone, all three of them, and I didn’t feel like they were coming back.
But you’d better be sure I didn’t walk out of that house. I flew so hard and fast that I didn’t know until I got home that I’d brought the broken whistle with me, clutched in my left hand.
A whistle in my left hand and a headline in my head, stolen from an upside-down, claw-torn newspaper.
TR IN D B ARS ESCAPE CI CUS
ST LL MIS ING


Storytime: Clocks.

August 7th, 2019

Things have become very difficult since I replaced every single thing with clocks.

I was warned about this. Other people said I might want walls, or a ceiling, or books, or a calendar, or maybe food.
But I pointed out that all those things were basically clocks already, just single-minded ones. Time to repair; time to reread; time to go places; time before expiry, and so on.
Why not stop pretending?

So I replaced the walls and the ceiling and the books and the calendar and the food and everything else. I replaced every single thing. With clocks.
Now when I want to know if I should go outside, I look at a clock for that. When I want to know what I should think, I look at a clock for that. When I want to know if I need to check my clocks, I can look at a clock for that.
It’s very effective. I don’t think I’ve done anything in forever.

The trouble was other people’s fault. They weren’t clocks, you see. I would see them when I went outside and they would tick onwards in a very messy and uncoordinated way. You could not set their clocks by them.
I tried to explain about clocks for a while but they didn’t seem to get it. Eventually I would have to go home, to my clocks, where it made more sense because every six hours I would look at one clock, and every sixteen hours I would look at another clock, and every three days I would look at a third, and so on and so forth. And that made things make sense.
It wasn’t exactly perfect, but it made sense. That’s better than average for anyone, right? I really didn’t feel like I had grounds to complain.
So I added a few more clocks, because some of the old ones had stopped working and there was space, and a few other clocks, because there wasn’t THAT much cramping, and a few more clocks because I liked the look of them.

By this point it was a little hard to sleep soundly with all the ticking. Even the digital clocks do that, just not aloud. It’s hard to rest comfortably when time’s passing in about six hundred different ways along seven thousand different roads.
Especially with the alarms going off too. I used those only for the very important clocks, but since every clock was going to be important in its own way at least once those added up quickly.
The real problem wasn’t the alarms though. It was the older clocks, the ones that didn’t tick anymore.
By my count every third clock I knew of was finished, completed, and done. But I couldn’t just throw out a clock like that, so I kept them around as reminders, stopped on the moment they finished.
The space constraints were troublesome to deal with, but doable. The lack of ticking, though; that started to be a little much. That was so much more tricky to keep track of than the ticking; a ticking clock you can keep an eye on in your sleep, but a stopped clock needs to be checked constantly, every time, all the time, or else you forget how old it is.
I started to keep extra clocks for my stopped clocks. This problem got worse, especially when I started bringing home clocks that had already stopped. Some of them were loved and cherished clocks, some of them were brand-spanking new clocks, some of them were deeply irrelevant clocks mass produced on a conveyer belt somewhere and slapped on a six year old’s wrist for fifty cents forty years ago.
But I needed to keep clocks on them. It was important.

I’m not entirely sure exactly when things went out of hand, but I’m very sure of when I noticed it.
I was walking along somewhere, someday, with my mind on clocks, and I thought of how troublesomely odd it was that nobody else seemed to do this. I looked at all those people and thought about how they didn’t think about clocks.
Then I paid a little more attention and I saw my problem: everyone else was also clocks. They got larger and hairier or smaller and wrinklier and they wouldn’t stop doing it right in front of me. It was compulsive, and it was unavoidable, and it was most disconcerting. Worse yet, each action in their day was also a separate and integrated clock, starting up in the present and counting backwards as we moved forwards together. They weren’t just clocks, they were clockmakers. Profligate ones.
I asked some folks about this and they seemed to consider it normal. This was troubling, and suggested that I needed a lot more clocks at home or else I’d never be able to keep track of every single one as they interacted with every single thing, and clocks for those interactions too as they grew older and stopped, and clocks to track the stopped clocks, and clocks to track the time of the clocks that timed the clocks that had stopped. It seemed unfair for the world to work this way, and it seemed still more unfair that I had to do this all the time. I was very tired of this. I was very tired of paying attention to my clocks.

Then about a half second later (precisely) I paid a little more attention, just a little more than a little more and then a little more than that, and I realized I’d been overpaying all my clocks for years and years and months and weeks and days and hours and however long they’d been doing it.
I had slowly and entirely and inadvertently replaced my attention with clocks. It was very upsetting. It IS very upsetting.
I would like to correct this, but I seem to have also replaced my intentions with clocks. I don’t enjoy doing this, but all I seem to want to do is count backwards and forwards in a very precise and careful pattern.
I’m not sure what I’m counting now. But I’d better not stop.

I think.


 
 
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