The hallway smelled like mouldering dampness and decaying deposits. The apartment’s door smelled like all that plus wet marsupial fur.
Knock knock knock thump bump knock knock.
The door opened a crack.
“Hey. It’s me.”
A soft growl came from the apartment, like a puppy crossed with a cat.
“I brought some Kleenex like you asked.”
Another growl, lilting upwards, and the door opened a little wider.
“Oh c’mon, just take it. It’s not catching by now.”
Some of the sounds were very pointed.
“’Symptomatic.’ God, listen to yourself. Fancy-pants. Fine. Take your stupid tissues and let me go, I’ve got shit to do.”
Growl?
“Yeah, I’m probably going to fail the course. Which probably means I’ll lose the scholarship. Which probably means aw fuckit I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Whichever. See you ‘round, ‘kay? Keep us posted.”
Tina shook her head as she walked down the staircase. She hadn’t seen Dean look that tired in years. But then again, it was a pretty bad case of the platypus.
*
“Let me in.”
The sound that came through was ambiguous and inarticulate but distinctly a denial.
“You know I’m immune, dumbass – my best friend caught the platypus in third grade and I didn’t so much as get fuzzy off’ve it. Let me in.”
The door opened a crack and a suspicious and profoundly beady little eye poked through.
“Let me in, damnit. I got you eats. Homecooked.”
The door swung wider, slowly, and Jill jumped through with the powerful striking instinct of a bored housecat.
“Ta-dah!” she said.
Dean harrumphed at her. He was smaller and furrier than she’d last seen him and had developed a sort of bill, but that was to be expected.
“Yeah, yeah, quit your bitching. Like we’d leave you to starve to death on your own cooking. Chicken soup with enough heat in it to boil off your tastebuds: family cure for distracting you from whatever ails ya.”
Dean clopped his bill at her.
“WHAT?! When the HELL did you become a vegetarian?!”
Gurgling noises.
“Oh that isn’t funny. That isn’t funny at all. Stop-stop, ahaha, stop laughing. You prick! You know, I honestly believed you.”
Trilling sounds.
Jill dropped the resealed margarine container on the kitchen counter. “Yeah, yeah. You know, if it really IS easier to bluff through a bill, that’s one upside of the whole mess. Any silver lining in a stormcloud, right?”
Flat growl.
“Well, yeah, guess it’s more like bronze. I’d settle for copper, myself.”
Inquisitive grunts?
“Oh, the shop’s going down the tubes. Barely made rent last month, probably’ll start autocannibalism this month, and after that, well. I mean, we’ll see what happens, won’t we?”
Yeah.
“Yeah. Look, I’ve got to go try to pretend I’m earning a living. Don’t be a stranger, right?”
Dean waved a distinctly flippery hand in acknowledgement and showed her out.
He didn’t look great, really. But it could always be worse.
*
Knoc.
noc.
no-
“Oh gosh hi I’m sorry to make so much noise oh no were you sleeping I’m so so sorry augh I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up never mind I’ll just leave wait can I at least leave this with you by way of apology oh no I’m making this all about me oh no no no no no no.”
Dean raised a single webbed digit to David’s mouth. It was possible he also raised an eyebrow, but it was hard to tell any given patch of fur apart on his skull.
“Oh. Right. Sorry. Look, I’ve brought you some more Tylenol. It’s the kids brand but I think if you take like half again the dose it’ll be fine? Sorry, it was all they had left. Sorry. I shouldn’t have bought it. Sorry.”
Dean took the little bottle and put it on the kitchen counter, then took three of the pills out and ate them.
“Hope they don’t taste too lousy – chewables, and all they had was grape. God I hate grape. Nothing worse than artificial grape.”
Dean nodded.
“Are you doing okay? You look okay. Well, shorter. Furrier. Billier. More like a platypus. But okay. For a platypus.”
Dean made a series of short sneezes.
“Aww, shoot. Don’t worry they’ll kick in soon. I think. Listen, aw I feel terrible asking this but before I forget do you have Jessie’s phone number at all I really need her phone number and I lost it when my battery died.”
Agreement and inquisitive snorting.
“It’s Josh. He came out and uhh had to leave home and he’s sort of staying on our couch but it’s not a big couch and we don’t have a big apartment and we figured after she helped out with-”
Dean scribbled down some platypus scrawls on the back of a pizza receipt and passed them over.
“Thanks. Really, thanks so much. Sorry to bother you like this. Thank you, and uh, I’ll see you later if we can possibly help more don’t hesitate to ask if it’s not a problem for”
Dean very gently pushed David out the door and closed it as politely as possible.
“Um,” said David to the door. “Um. Um um um. Bye? Bye. See you later. Get well soon.”
Well. That had gone pretty good.
Dean looked way better than he’d expected.
*
Click.
“Hey coming in hope you’re not naked ahahahahahahhahahaooooh man. Well, guess it doesn’t matter, huh?”
Dean glared from a vantage point of four inches off the floor.
“I mean, I’ve seen it before in any case, but uh. Not like this. Hahahah. Wow. You’ve really got it bad, huh?”
Dean bit Holly on the shoe. Unfortunately, they were sandals.
“Ah! Jesus! Mind the…do you have teeth? Ridges? Shit, that stings.”
Unapologetic growling.
“Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Fuck. Good thing I’m not bleeding or you might miss out on the very special thing I’m delivering.”
Cautiously wary gurgle.
“Ta-daaah! Found a two-for-one coupon in my neighbour’s mailbox! Two shitty pizzas – pepperoni only – and you get one! Now siddown and enjoy some grease-cheese.”
Dean clopped his bill at her.
“You? Likely story; if you couldn’t eat shitty tuna melts once a month you’d go blind. Who the hell’d believe that?”
Growl.
“Oh yeah Jill would absolutely. Now eat it before it solidifies.”
Trilling sounds.
“Sure, sure. I’ll stick around for a while. Not like I’m missing out on anything tonight – just got fired. I mean, I still have the table gig and the weekend cashier work, but that’s what, three-quarters of next week’s bills paid?”
Commiserative growling.
“Well, something might come up. Y’think they need another body to deep-fry pizzas?”
Snort.
“Yeah. Don’t think so.”
One and a half shitty pizzas later Holly left with a better mood and a fuller stomach and a vague sense that she’d done the right thing leaving Dean two years ago. He was a nice guy but he had the dumbest sense of humour, and he had no appreciation for junk food.
Seemed to be doing better than he had last time she’d seen him, though.
*
On Wednesday, the door to the apartment opened and Dean emerged into the slightly broken lights of the hallway, blinking tiny eyes. Sensitive electroreceptors in his bill muttered in the drafty air, and his adorable little furry tail wobbled as he slid clumsily down the staircase and out the door into the rush and yell of the city.
Well. First things first he’d have to go beg extra shifts. After that many sick days in a row he was running on empty, and
HONK HONK THUNK HOOOOONK
Dean didn’t fly quite like a rag doll; it was more like a football. He smashed into something hard and something firm and then something that was someone’s lap. If only the lap had been less bony, then maybe there wouldn’t be a terrible grinding sensation in his hip.
“CRUD!”
“Jesus!”
“You got the plates?”
“I got the plates!”
“Hey buddy, you okay? You okay?”
Dean was too busy making various distressed noises to reply, which was its own kind of answer.
Someone had opened up his wallet. “Aw fuck. He’s got no insurance.”
Well. It wasn’t the worst week of his life yet.