As below, so above – an ecological survey of extraplanar ecology using modern methods
Grace Kim, Peter C. Brothers, Manuel Souza
November 32nd, 1988
Abstract
Most examinations of extraplanar activities have historically been anthropocentric in nature, principally focused on understanding those demons and angels that express interest in human activity. This research is the first documented scientific examination of the ecological makeup of heaven and hell. Results include the discovery of an ectological ecology of undescribed species, which show many intriguing parallels to earth’s own biotic communities as well as its impending environmental crises.
Figures
All figures produced are unintelligible within a dimension of Real or more. To view the figures for this paper, ascend to Unreal(2) or greater for maximum clarity and look at the dots below with your third eye.
Table 1
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Table 2
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Fig. 1
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Table 3
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Fig. 2
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Table 4
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Introduction
The ecological makeup of heaven and hell is a ghostly topic. Undirected and uncoordinated interest in it has existed in the past, but not within the scientific community – which up until this paper’s publication has been principally concerned with the anthropocentric inhabitants of the extraplanar realms [1]. Although the utility of this research has been obvious and fascinating [2], we felt that there was a real lack of research and insight into the more fundamental structure of extraplanar life. In order to correct this, we conducted a multi-stage ecological survey of heaven and hell using the Borgman apparatus and several innovative chants. Our primary objective was to fill this research gap; our secondary objective, to show its relevance to human interests.
Materials and methods
Informed permission for this study was obtained from both the study area’s resident Throne and the local Duc of Flies. Samples were collected using an ecto core mounted on the Borgman apparatus from thirty locations each from Unreal(1-4). All samples were placed in spiritually sealed tanks and sieved with the Kim (alpha) chant for maximum clarity and resolution in acquisition of specimens [3]. All specimens were then itemized, tagged, and reascended. Tags were operable for ten months before the echoes faded. All results were collated and examined with an open third eye at Unreal(3) or greater.
Results
In a surprising turn of events, samples from all four layers of Unreal show a diversity of minor and non-anthropocentric ectological life (Table 1). Ectological analogues of both trophic structure and guild appear to be in play, with primary producers feeding not on solar energy but on belief – confirming several of our hunches. Species abundance was greatest in Unreal(1-2) and tapered sharply into Unreal(4) (Table 2), which was largely dominated by small foraging creatures (SFCs) (Fig. 1). Gut contents and small, dim haloes suggest the SFCs are opportunistic scavengers and are likely fed by the many leavings and after-chants of the principle angels and demons of Unreal(4). They are nowhere near as common or large in the other layers, suggesting that Unreal(4) possesses only relictual fauna (Table 3). Moreover, this discrepancy between the SFC populations appears to have been relatively recent, as the SFCs of all three layers are nigh-identical and appear to be interfertile. This suggests that the pauperization of the Unreal(4) ecosystem may be historic. Causes could include the dietary predilections of Dominions, which are known to hunger ceaselessly [2].
No large predators were found, and only one large secondary consumer, whose gut contents; eight massive jaws with the teeth of oxen, horses, and sheep; and multichambered stomach imply a generalist forager (Fig. 2). All traces and specimens were located in disturbed communities. In relation to this, disturbed communities in early stages of succession dominated the sample sites to an unlikely degree, especially given the controlled randomization of site selection (Table 4). It is possible (and in our opinion, probable) that this is a result of the hellish ‘sprawl’ of the nineteenth century termed ‘the tenth circle’ [1].
Discussion
Although this is the first ecological survey of the Unreal, already we are tempted to draw alarming conclusions. Rather than the pristine ‘high wilderness’ spoken of in public belief both historical and modern, we see instead a mirror of our own world’s bruised ecology. It appears that complex society, on heaven as it is in earth, cannot exist without an ecological footprint, and a large one at that. Although it is beyond the bounds of both this study and our field of expertise, we strongly advise that contact be made with the governing bodies of heaven and hell for more information on these crises and to explore a possible collaboration on cataloguing problems and devising solutions to prevent further environmental degradation. As we do below, so they do above.
References
[1] Liu SQ, Zhang CC, Jacob P, Zhang L. Angelic and demonic governance. Outer Spheres 1977; 10 (1): 122-163.
[2] Edith KW and Jules B. Human and extrahuman contact. Word 1980; 101 (12): 1302-1360.
[3] Grace K. Three new chants and their potential uses. Outer Spheres 1985; 7 (4): 415-431.