If we were all large, carnivorous reptiles, here’s how lunch’d have to be…
Well. It’d be simpler than what it is now, I tell you what.
Yes, we’d all be eating meat, not greens or grains, and that means LOTS of pastures, and all the pain-in-the-necks that entails. But we’d all be ectothermic! Low, low, LOW food intake requirements, comparatively. And since we’d be so big, we’d stay stuffed for ages. One or two good meals a year, maybe. Imagine how much time that’d save. Imagine how many more people we might be able to keep lying around. Shoot, if we’re not picky eaters, we could eat any old thing, and we could harvest local wildlife semidomesticated without the need for mass landscaping!
… Not that I’d know anything about that.
If we were all large, carnivorous reptiles, here’s how the day’d have to be…
Well, it’d be a lot slower than this rush-rush-rush hustle-bustle nonsense we all live with, you’re darn tootin’. We’d take it slow in the mornings – real slow, real smooth. Wait for the sun to rise and get our basking done, warming up those veins inch by inch. Then once the sun’s reasonably high, we’d get moving. Sedately. With a midafternoon break to avoid overheating, mandatory of course.
And we’d still have time to get stuff done for a good bit of the night, if need be. Once something big’s heated up, it stays that way for a little while. Some decent nightlife could be allotted.
… Not that I’m an expert on this.
If we were all large, carnivorous reptiles, here’s how wars’d have to go…
They’d have to be quick and decisive. You run around too much in a row you’ll get fatigued to hell, drop nigh-dead from exhaustion on the spot. Sustained high-stress activity for prolonged periods of time? No thanks. Any fights we’d pick would be even longer on long periods of boredom, even shorter on the short periods of terror. Short and sour, if not sweet. Like getting a needle or peeling off a bandaid.
Speaking of which, did I mention we’d likely have heavy scales at our size, which would surely protect us from many minor abrasions, cuts, bruises, and other tragedies of existence? War would no longer be hell, merely heck. Bad, but not horrifying.
… Not that I’ve run the numbers on it.
If we were all large, carnivorous reptiles, here’s how churches’d have to be…
They’d be very calm and quiet. Nobody’d have the energy to waste jumping up and down on their pews or whatnot, so they’d be sitting there calmly. Digesting, maybe. Or contemplating digesting something someday. Same goes for the priests. Speak softly, with maybe a slightly dry hiss, and leave the big stick lying there because boy who’s got the time for that. That’s work.
Most of the sermons would involve the virtues of lying very still and not moving unduly. This would resonate firmly with most people. Schisms would occur over the nicest sort of place to do this but would be broadly separated into those espousing nice warm places to help digestion versus proponents of shady cool places to lull yourself into a semitorpid coma.
Arguments would be resolved by pontiffs flickering their tongues at each other, since blinking competitions would be impossible.
… Not that I’ve got theological background or anything.
If we were all large, carnivorous reptiles, here’s how our governments’d have to be…
I say me you, they’d be a lot more straightforward. The head of state would be whoever grew large enough to consume his or her predecessor. Since all of us would grow continually throughout our lives it’d just be a matter of taking turns, and everyone would get a reasonable term since we’d all only eat a couple times a year at most as clearly previously mentioned by myself.
Decisions in office would be simple, slow, and in the mornings, revolve mostly around plotting out sunbathing parks and shady underground garages. Sometimes there would be beach zoning, to ensue all expectant mothers had fair and equitable access to big piles of sand for nesting with adequate anti-seagull netting.
After the midday break, heads of state would listen as underreptiles carefully reported the latest news from around the world. Most of it would be listening to how nice the weather was. The rest of the day would be spent asleep.
And that’s why I’d be king of the reptiles.
… Not that I’ve thought about that.
Much.