1.69.5 Quiet Reckoning
H1045
Malcold Cobbles
The Battle of Boulderblood
Since the dawn of time, the peoples of the world have fought to share it through one means: war. But few moments of war, of all time, have mattered more than the crucial fulcrum of the Battle of Boulderblood: the moment where the Long War between the stunted Tunnelmen of the Breadlands and the elder empire of the last Saurceropods, that final dynasty of the Arch-saurs, reached what was, at that time, its zenith (Circletersh, 1.65.5, p99-217).
–awkward sentences – too many commas
–highly imprecise citation
The two sides had been at war for untold generations… the deceitful Tunnelmen coveting the wealth of the surface for their own, the noble Saurceropods seeking only to guide and protect the smaller, feebler, more squishable species that squabbled within the gentle enclosure of their mighty All-Paddock from themselves and their own baser instincts (Vellisimar, 1.69.4, p1). Alas, they were led astray… words of clotted earth dripped slimily into many an envious ear…and so, the great crime of Brachio Bay swallowed whole the light of many of the Stompers Eternal, and, with the subsequent opportunistic arising of the bug-swallowers, and the tube-feeders, the world was plunged into… the Long War (Vellisimar, 1.69.3, p2-3)
–imprecise language: by the battle of boulderblood the long war is agreed to been underway for between twenty-nine to thirty-two years (depending on if you count from the initial undermining of brachio bay or the entry of the musselfolk as the final member of the greater alliance after the third megatsunami), and while a tunnelman generation is approximately four years; a saurceropod’s is twenty
-excessive use of ellipses for a nondramatic work
-repeated use of hate speech
By the time of the Battle of Boulderblood, both the so-called ‘Greater Alliance’ and the Protectorate of the Herds had exhausted many of their initial reserves of allied subliminals and nocturnals, war-tapestries, all-anthems, and personal virtue. As the result, of this, the remaining sources of renewable extraordinary advantage were of prime strategic and tactical value. These stood out among the wan’d muck and dross of the drained and unromantic battlefields of the middle Long War like grandest pearls among the sad silt of the lands of the tube-feeders… and none stood out brighter than those, of Boulderblood Vale (Sircletersh, p 88-252). The wondrous backwash of its headwaters had ease’d peace to weary’d minds of wizened elders in the neighboring villages for generations, and now, it had been put to use in sharpening the cunning of mudshoveler commanders and officers in the field… bottled and parceled out like mere rations… The Protectorate’s command realized the foulness of this, and stood ready, to remove this, advantage.
-mention of the exhaustion of primary resources but no mention of the subsequent second through fifth ‘harvestings’ that preceded the adoption of the foraging doctrine by both sides.
-even more imprecise citation
-additional use of hate speech
-incorrect use of the term ‘backwash’
Command of the besieging forces lay with Metamagistrate Mooomph Megas; while the commanding molekisser was named as Snert Snid. However, few records remain of this, and it is likely that the defense was in actuality co-opted by one of the mercenary groups of the Eaters of Gnats present, Colonel c. Evidence of this is borne out by the rapid detection of the elite Sneakapod commando crew – how could sightless dirtslappers possibly have detected the noble straight-backed forms of the most silent walkers in all the known world, whose feet are padded anvils? (Vellisimar, p2-4). The subsequent miring and entanglement of the entirety of the commando team in a targeted molepit as they were distracted and disturbed by the harrying shrieks of the Squeak Squadrons was truly a case of the cruel hand of reality descending upon even the most skilled… but, fortune is fickle, and friendless, and fierce…for even as the initial decapitation team was waylaid, the Protectorate’s main field army advanced from directly above Boulderblood Vale, borne on the breath of the titanic leaf-ship the Great Branch itself….the Cherry’d Rain of the Fruit of the Great Branch, the Food That Is No Foe…the Berry-Good-Friends.
-landmiral snert snid is attested as commanding the defense and continued to serve at their stated field rank until they perished three years later at the sinking of the grand lilypond, where they went down with their dredger
-it is widely understood that protectorate command was unaware that tunnelmen could hear saurceropod subsonic vocalizations until the early late war, with suspicions first arising at the ferocity and precision of the defense during the crying of clove cove, and this combined with a known lack of communications discipline among protectorate commando squads is a simple explanation that demands no additional conspiracy theories.
-failure to specify which vellisimar article is being cited
-failure to cite sircletersh at all
-failure to stop using hate speech
The skirmish over the surface of the Vale was brief, but prolonged. The BGF Windleafs were thick-skinned, but tender when pulped, while, the siphonsucker chant-squad that squatted within the Boulderblood spring itself were sluggish to move and quick to hide shellfishly, but clamped down fiercely on their adversaries. Although prevented from suppling extraordinary advantage, they stubbornly refused to clam up and surrender. Meanwhile, the stout BGF were cornered by the returning Squeak Squads which then ascended to deal very superficial damage to the Great Branch, causing it to wisely reposition itself off the battlefield for tactical advantage before vanishing, mysteriously, for the remainder of the war.
-repeated insensitive puns
-use of the ‘tactical retreat’ theory of the great branch’s demise, which was conclusively disproven thirty years ago
-truly perplexing use of hate speech; the term ‘siphon-sucker’ was last used as a serious insult two hundred years ago
Mooomph wasted no time as his trustworthy, loyal servants courageously bought him time. He strode forward in the Fast Herd Flank, a mighty sight sure to stir the souls of all who witnessed a Saurceropod’s wrath… (Vellisimar, p1-6). They stepped atop the walls of the Vale as might a colossus, and so, doing, toppled them with song and stride. You are small, they sang, and we are great, they sang, and so, you shall serve, and so, you shall serve. They collapsed the nestowers of the Squeak Squads, and stamped in the foul brooding-tunnels of the Tunnelmen, and – alas, alack, – the naked animal cunning of their foe came upon them! For ‘neath what they had treacherously disguised as a ‘medical ward’ (a place of war no doubt (Vellisimar, p9)) was in fact a full float of snapping beavers, which did snap away half of the Protectorate’s regional command in defense of their eggs. Woe, to the bravery of those fallen to treachery of the lesser! Joy, to that they fell in defense of something so fine! Hurrah, that they fulfilled their goal even in death… for lo! Lo, the rupturing of the land did tear asunder the spring that fed the Boulderblood, and so, in fact, the goal of the mission was rendered true, the extraordinary resource was not captured, but nor was it remained in the hands of the foe – and never thereforemore would the peaceful peoples of that place be menaced by the brutish undersoldiers of the ‘Great Alliance’!!! And so, having triumphed, the Protectorate Forces staged a cunning redeployment in every direction at once, of which legend says many of them survived. It is moment like this that echo through the ages, from toe to skull, echoing in one’s own throat, through the jugular, and the trachea, and the lovely spinal column, all the most important aspects of ones’s soul, in one slim section, so pure and true… in a way, it could be certainly asserted that all of us who listen, to our necks, can hear those echoes and know the truths of our long-lost past.
No amount of mud can bury the bones of the great truth beneath! Ascend, HEADS HELD HIGH!!!!
-Malcold Cobbles, High AND Mighty.
-lack of citations
-excessive dramatics
-multiple exclamation marks
-mr. cobbles, I must repeat for the third time in print that there is no evidence connecting either the pre-long war saurceropod dynastic states OR the modern sauropaddock communasteries biologically, culturally, or ideologically with modern ‘longneckism’ movements that advocate the dismemberment of all creatures with fewer than ten vertebrae, a number that you yourself fall short of as a normal, healthy physically adult giraffic who is not suffering from ‘vertebral collapse’ as a result of ancestral curses performed by the ‘short—souled’
Bibliography
Hurley & Burley History Print, A Short History of the Long War; Sircletersh, S. C., 1.65.5 QR
Prudent Pamphleteering Press, The Moment that Caught the Sun, Vellisimar, V.V., 1.69.4 QR
Prudent Pamphleteering Press, Treason Above and Below, Vellisimar, V.V., 1.69.3 QR
-several problems here:
–you were required to cite at least seven sources.
–the title of the article is required to be in italics
–the order of information under Crumbledown format is author, title, journal, date.
–you were required to engage with the scholarly literature of the field of history. Prudent Pamphleteering Press is a vanity press whose principal product is advertisements.
-your singular scholarly source is older than I am
12/100 for using the correct header formatting, mostly correct spelling, meeting half of the wordcount, and very, very, very clearly writing this without outside assistance