Councillor A: Thank you, one and all, for returning for this first meeting since-
Councillor B: Closer to one than to all, really. Where’s everybody else?
Councillor C: Councillors E, F, G, H, I, J, and K lived near the waterfront and are currently missing presumed dead. Councillors L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T and U are busy dealing with personal issues, bereavement, or grief. Councillors V, W, X, Y and Z are confirmed dead. And the mayor is on holiday.
B: Jesus, sorry I asked. Hey, does that mean the waterfront will be getting more or less money put into it?
C: Pardon?
B: Because on the one hand they’ve clearly suffered a lot of damage, but on the other hand their representatives are now absent, but on the OTHER other hand we’ll want to seem fair, but on the other other other hand we don’t want to be biased by sentiment, and do we get temporary representatives there, and how do we choose them… man, there’s so many layers to this.
A: If we could get back to the issue at HAND, here, I was just saying that this is our first formal post-emergency meeting since the Gigamouth Incident reached its conclusion, and as such we must now turn to the newer challenges at hand.
B: Like what? Reconstructing the Tower? Half of it is still wedged in the thing’s eyeball. Checking for survivors on the lakeshore? We’re already doing that, at least for a couple more days. Clearing the streets? Setting up temporary housing?
C: Presumably the imminent public health crisis.
A: The temporary facilities in the camps aren’t PERFECT, but they’re adequate and improving every day. We can handle things until the sewer systems are running at a hundred percent again.
C: No, I meant once the carcass starts to rot.
B: Oh shit, they’re right. I mean, I wouldn’t eat beef if it had sat on my kitchen counter for twenty-four hours, and Gigamouth wasn’t even in a fridge first. That thing’s going to be turning RANK.
C: The smell will be the smallest concern. Do you know how much tissue is on an organism that size? I can do the math, if-
B: Fuck. It’s going to be an open compost bucket the size of a city block.
A: Disposal should be a priority, then. Can we expect military assistance? High explosives might be necessary to dismember the organism.
B: High explosives didn’t exactly do much to dismember it when it was alive. Hell, they could barely bruise its skin. Maybe they could bring in that thing they used to kill it?
A: The Confluxy Device? It didn’t work, it supercharged its internal reactor. It died when the Tower ruptured its eyeball and caused a plasma explosion that destroyed its brain.
B: Oh. I thought the confluzy thingy did that.
A: It was in the report. And the paper. And the entire internet.
C: Whatever method is used will require precision and a good deal of preparatory infrastructure. We want to avoid uncontrolled fluid spillage.
A: Ah. Like field dressing a deer.
B: Pardon?
C: To move the carcass we need to break it down, and it’s crucial we do so without carelessly puncturing its arteries or gastrointestinal system. The volume of liquid contained inside the organism is enormous, and even with some coagulation, the flooding it could cause downtown would be horrific. If you’d like the math, it’s-
B: So we need to cut it up right away to get rid of it before it rots, we don’t know how to cut it up, and if we do manage to cut it up there’s a good chance we flood downtown in monster fecal slurry and blood. And maybe urine?
A: Precisely.
B: We’re fucked.
A: If you have something helpful to say at any point, feel free to add it to the record.
B: Okay, fine. We’re talking about corpse disposal, where are we going to do that? If we CAN pull it apart.
A: There’s still plenty of mining projects up north that need rehabilitation. This wastage isn’t any more or less toxic than anything else they need to rebury.
C: Presuming, of course, that the toxicology report on the organism is still accurate and it isn’t an ultra-contagious biohazard, even in death. It was written in under three days.
A: Every applicable scientific resource on the planet was used to create it. What happened here was a matter of global concern, and no expense, time, or expertise was spared.
C: Yes, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t rushed. It needs more peer review.
B: You were the one that brought up the words ‘imminent public health crisis.’
C: Well, just because we need to rush doesn’t mean I have to like it.
B: Besides, what about the skeleton?
A: What about it?
B: Look, even assuming we CAN start slicing this thing into itty bitty pieces, how the hell are we meant to break apart the hardest parts of its anatomy into pieces small enough to move them? Vertebrae, okay, whatever, but the skull? The pelvis? How about the leg bones, the fibuloids or whatever – we got a crane that can move a long limb the size of a bridge?
A: You’re talking about the tibia.
B: Thanks, but the point remains. What do we do about those guys? I say we turn them into tourist attractions; put some foundations down and settle them into them and maybe rig buildings over them. Heck, with the skull we can probably put the buildings inside them. That’s where the museum can go. Or the cafeteria for the museum – no, we put that in the eyesockets, and we charge a premium for the view! I’m telling you, we can rebuild the city with the profit margin from that ALONE, and I haven’t even gotten into my ideas for that pelvis.
C: This is all solutions looking for problems. If we can penetrate just enough to allow removal of the marrow, moving the skeleton piece by piece should be doable. And anyways if we think about this realistically the bones must be abnormally light for their size, or else the creature wouldn’t have been able to walk at all. The math is very straightforward, if-
B: Oh, enough about the fucking math. If the math was as straightforward as you say it is, the damned thing wouldn’t even exist! It was hundreds of feet tall and bipedal and its legs weren’t thicker than its entire body! It barely even cracked the ground under its own mass when it walked! How did it get blood all the way from its heart to its skull without exploding its head? Who knows! It’s impossible! Face it, the math isn’t straightforward because the math doesn’t make sense anymore! So shut up about it!
C: I call for the condemnation of Councillor B.
A: State the grounds.
C: Language.
B: You aren’t saying I’m wrong.
C: Fuck you.
B: I call for the condemnation of Councillor C on the grounds of language.
A: Councillors A and B, you will – stop that! – will return to your chairs THIS INSTANT or I will be forced to – PUT THAT DOWN!
[A brief recess]
A: The meeting will now adjourn. Thank you for your time, everyone. There will be no closing remarks. Goodbye. Come in again tomorrow at eight.
Councillor D: Sorry, I wasn’t listening. What’re we doing tomorrow?
A: Nothing you need to know about.