Methodology
-All injections were created by mixing saliva from the control group subject with fresh blood from the test species. All individual animals used were healthy and in the prime of life, sourced from reputable zoological preserves across the globe to minimize suspicions. Test subjects were healthy males between the ages of seventeen and thirty-five, sourced from across the globe to minimize suspicions. Test subjects were restrained for injections and then placed in a control room with a variety of stimuli including live bait consisting of rejected test subjects. Each test species injection received a minimum of five test subjects before results were tabulated; three of which were euthanized for autopsy and two of which were retained for further observation.
Report
Canis lupus
-Control group subject. Consistent and known results of increased speed, strength, durability, acute allergic reaction to Ag, and uncontrolled aggression. Outcomes are all desirable if separable; but combined package is of only limited use as terror weapon due to widespread folk knowledge of vulnerabilities. Hollywood is our enemy here, and it’s too deep-rooted to fight.
Carcharhinus melanopterus
-Subject proved incapable of respiration in either air OR water. Probably a good thing we didn’t try this on C. carcharias first if that’s the kind of results we’re going to be getting; my only regret is we didn’t go even cheaper and try a goldfish first.
Cervis Canadensis
-The first herbivorous test species. Subject nonetheless became aggressive and carnivorous similar to the control group. Antlers hypertrophied to a staggering degree, slowing the subject down increasingly over the course of its existence and causing rapid brittleness in the subject’s skeleton due to calcium loss. Size and muscle greatly increased from the control group, although it lost the ability to walk on hind legs and the hooves caused loss of manual dexterity in the forelimbs. Results suggest we limit testing quadrupeds with reduced digits bar exceptional species.
Crocodylus niloticus
-Greatly improved size, burst speed, and jaw strength, with major losses in limb size and stamina. Ag produced no allergic reaction, even when bullets were directed into the fleshy tissues of the mouth (subject’s scales were resistant even to armour-piercing rounds). Subject expired during stamina testing due to fatal buildup of lactic acids; if we can’t temper the aggression reflex these poor bastards will literally hunt themselves to death. A fixer-upper, but unless a real surprise comes along, this is probably going to be our amphibious assault product.
Culex pipens
-Subject’s bones dissolved and subject’s body was covered in a frail, glass-like membrane that split apart under its own weight. Recommend no further testing using any invertebrates, especially those with exoskeletons.
Elephas maximus
-Unknown, as test was followed by the total loss of Lab A along with all records and eyewitnesses. In retrospect, we probably should’ve expected something like this. Subject is still at large and apprehension should only be attempted on moonless nights. Real big fuckup here, let’s just hope it’s still small enough to sweep under the rug. Worth remembering this one if we fix the aggression problem, but that’s a common thread with most of them, isn’t it?
Homo sapiens
-No change visible, no apparent reaction to Ag. Not sure what we expected here, which is precisely why we tried it. Question of whether or not there is no change because it is ineffective or if there is no change because humans are already aggressive and dangerous humanlike monsters is academically outside the scope of this study.
Ophiophagus hannah
-Subject’s torso elongated and arms withered, but did not develop sufficient muscle control for propulsion, leaving us with a scaled, deadly venomous, giant man-noodle that rolled around the test chamber hissing at us. Snakes are not recommended if this is what we’re going to get.
Panthera leo
-P. concolor results encouraged further investigation into felids; results exceeded expectations – massive size, powerful muscles. Further testing required to learn if P. leo social instincts are retained by the subject: we may have found our super soldier here.
Pan troglodytes
-Deeply, deeply disturbing, extremely strong, and almost hysterically aggressive. Like watching a 19th-century conception of a caveman come to life and thirst for your blood. Subject almost took the test chamber doors off its hinges before being euthanized. No reaction to Ag. May be worth investigating due to full retention of opposable thumbs etc. but only if aggression problem is well-solved ground in other subjects – this is a truly nasty customer. Alternative: experiment with Gorilla gorilla and see if results are less histrionic.
Puma concolor
-Strong similarity to control group, with much-improved climbing capabilities. No reaction to Ag, apparent reduction in stamina but increase in speed and stealth capabilities reflecting ambush vs. endurance hunting strategies in P. concolor and C. lupus respectively. Excellent alternative to C. lupus for terror weapon.
Tursiops truncatus
-Subject lost almost all limb function while gaining little improvement in aquatic capabilities and nearly drowned over the course of testing. In combination with O. hannah results, we should take this as evidence to not mess with anything that has reduced or unorthodox limbs.
Ursus arctos horribilis
-Subject destroyed half of Lab B and killed half the staff before being brought down by nerve agents. A costly lesson, but still a good thing we did this after E. maximus: we now know the security measures we put in place following Lab A – although eventually effective – were still somewhat lacking. No reaction to Ag.
Analysis
-The fatal allergic reaction to Ag appears to be specific to C. lupus subjects, although the reason for this is not known. Application of elements with similar atomic mass and number produced no similar results.
Air-breathing vertebrates are functionally the only viable sources of test species. No fish, no insects. The hominid body shape is also somewhat sensitive to limb arrangement: reduced limb size, reduced number of digits, or the presence of flippers in the test species can inhibit viable locomotive morphology in the subject, sometimes to a prohibitive degree. Stay away from hooved animals unless we’re comfortable with giving up bipedalism and manual dexterity in the subjects; stay away from marine mammals; stay away from snakes, and take things like alligators on a case-by-case basis.
The high aggression and prey drive within the subjects is present regardless of test species, although its enthusiasm varies in intensity. This is the greatest obstacle to further utilization of these phenomena: without control, what use are any of the benefits?
Conclusion
-Although there is great financial potential for alter-humanoid morphs in combat and geriatrics and this study has done much to establish a strong foundation and discovered many avenues for future inquiries, fully establishing a marketable product is not possible at this time without additional research and testing. More funding is needed.
We still haven’t found the damned elephant.