5/10/2021
Albrecht’s Drop stratigraphic record: location 3B
Layer 1: surface litter (5 cm)
Sticks and deciduous leaves. Some owl pellets (contents: rodents, one skink).
Three beer cans (age: ~4 years), one condom (unused), four lost pennies.
Layer 2: soft-packed loam (19 cm)
Roots and decomposed leaf litter. One mole hole (contents: an angry mole).
One broken beer bottle and forty-three beer bottle fragments. One beer bottle fragment contaminated by bleeding (bandaid provided: no stitches necessary).
Layer 3: hard-packed soil (37 cm)
One complete turtle shell. An excessive amount of roots (largest diameter: 8 cm).
Potsherds (late meadow period), reworked and worn tools (twelve scrapers, three damaged cores). Midden layer.
Layer 4: clay (58 cm)
Five ground and polished turtle-shell ‘mirrors.’ Fine and wispy roots.
More potsherds (early meadow period). An unprecedented find: a complete sphere made of solid obsidian glass, slightly chipped or cracked (long-distance trade item?). Possible ritual site.
Layer 5: compacted ash (28 cm)
Sudden intrusion of volcanic ash with no apparent source or cause. Nearest active volcano is seven thousand km; nearest inactive three house six hundred km.
One robust Homo erectus skull, no sign of other remains. Sixteen classic Acheulean hand-axe blanks; four of which are embedded in the skull. Possible murder, possible ritual.
Layer 5: obsidian (1.87 m)
Massive intrusion of jumbled volcanic glass without apparent source or cause. No past record of volcanism in area’s prehistory. Unusual greenish tint to the obsidian with inner ‘sparkle’ that appears to be tiny flames (under 0.2 mm).
Layer 6: lava flow (7.51 m)
Enormous magmatic intrusion. Radiometric dating puts it ~500 mya, at least 300 my older than the surrounding limestone layers it appears to have cut through. A geology specialist may be necessary.
Giant spherical ‘wizard chamber’ appears to be buried under lava flow. Top of chamber is breached by H. erectus skeleton, clutching Acheulian hand axe. The legs of the skeleton has been burnt away by lava, the upper half appears to have been pulverized by a concussive force sufficient to reduce it to gravel while perfectly holding the original form of the bones.
Layer 7: ‘wizard chamber’ (11.111… m [exactly])
Giant spherical room constructed entirely from interlocked basalt with two exits: a breach into layer 6 created by H. erectus skeleton and a spiral ‘stair’ leading downwards from the room’s center. Radiometric dating proved impossible due to inexplicable failure of sampling tools to penetrate the structure. Contact more materials specialists? Interior of chamber is covered in faint lights that match present-day star charts of Milky Way (contact astronomers to confirm). Possible ritual.
Three corpses belonging to unknown species from a unique phylum. Basic proportions include three heads, three trunks, three legs, three long grasping appendages tipped with three eyes covered in three hardened keratinous membranes. Corpses were outfitted in full regalia including ornaments carved from H. erectus bone, ‘wands’ of carved obsidian from layer 5, false teeth crafted from obsidian from layer 5. Possibly ritual.
Layer 8: ‘the murder pit’ (~100 m)
Yawning, cavernous abyss underneath the ‘wizard chamber’; exact dimensions of cavern are unknown without access to more powerful lighting equipment. Air quality remains good due to constant screaming gale from below that sounds similar to agonized howls. Creeping sensation of dread sinks in slowly within the hour; exposure beyond two hours is not recommended after assistant M. Townshend attempted to decapitate assistant J. Freeman with a trowel while chanting ‘justice delayed is denied.’ Behaviour persisted while restrained above-ground for another sixteen hours, after which M. Townshend apologized and asked to be set loose without further visible side effects.
The bottom ~7 m of layer 8 are filled entirely with H. erectus remains. Estimation of the number of individuals represented is unknown until the precise dimensions of layer 8 can be more accurately charted. Every skull found was missing all of its teeth.
Layer 9: ‘upside town’ (121.86 m)
Perfect 1:1 scale mirrored replica of this expedition’s dig site, including excavation and all previously described layers. Layer 9’s ‘surface camp’ was empty and the air tasted like tinfoil after exposure for longer than ten minutes, followed by nausea.
Forty-two hours of continuous observation in shifts showed no apparent inhabitants.
Layer 10: ‘the crevice’ (?)
During observation of layer 9, assistant P. Davison noticed a faint shimmer above the mess tent and proceeded to climb on top of it without authorization and stick her finger inside it, also without authorization. P. Davison vanished from all observable senses for what she observed as less than a second and the rest of the expedition observed as more than a week before reappearing in midair above expedition’s mess tent during lunch.
P. Davison reported seeing talking shapes that ‘didn’t exist’ but professes no memory of what they spoke about, or even if they spoke to her.
Overall excavation report:
-Followup investigation strongly recommended using all institutional resources available.
-Use caution.
-Contact National Geographic.
-Get more funding.
-Do not tell Professor Zebediah.