When, where and who: Cenozoic African hominids.
Why: The unbearable agony of not being able to find sufficiently ripe and tasty fruit.
What: Eagles.
How: Throwing rocks at eagles. They hate that.
When, where and who: Global Paleolithic hunter-gatherers.
Why: Too much hunting, not enough gathering.
What: Throwing rocks at the nearest saber-toothed cat.
How: The bite intended to suffocate a giant ground sloth slowly will snuff out a human nearly instantly! (Complications can arise if the cat has buck teeth; in which case that is actually a giant beaver and death will be much slower and a great deal more unusual).
When, where and who: Pre-Inuit North American Arctic Dorset peoples.
Why: All ice and no prey makes Joe Dorset a dull boy all ice and no prey makes Joe Dorset a dull boy all ice and no prey makes Joe Dorset a dull boy all ice and no prey makes Joe Dorset a dull boy all i
What: Walking off in a straight line without stopping.
How: Slipping/ice holes/polar bears/angry walrus/Greenland shark/surprise mammoth/too darn cold.
When, where and who:
Who: Classical-era Greek Philosopher.
Why: Stubbornness.
What: Philosophy.
How: Make a serious and principled stand on your personal beliefs but make sure you do it BEFORE you drink the hemlock because after a relatively short period of time it wi
When, where and who: Iron-age Northern European Vikings.
Why: Plunder no longer fills the void inside.
What: Puns.
How: Make Thor puns repeatedly in an open, rainy field while wearing copper shoes. If the gods don’t get you, your fellow raiders will eventually do you in just to shut you up.
When, where and who: Medieval European peasantry.
Why: Sick of crops.
What: Witch trials.
How: Look funny/be funny/look bored at services/look too enthusiastic at services/be a loner/be too friendly/be too dirty/be too clean/mutter a lot/grow bad crops/your neighbours grow bad crops/look pretty/look too pretty/be a woman/…
When, where and who: 18th-century French revolutionaries.
Why: Early-onset ennui.
What: Guillotine.
How: Singing slightly off-key outside Robespierre’s window. He hates that.
When, where and who: 19th-century American industrial workers.
Why: Too tired.
What: Exhaustion.
How: Too busy to think about that just keep going or your pay’s docked.
When, where and who: Early-twentieth century young adults.
Why: Patriotism.
What: Shooting/bludgeoning/stabbing/bombing/burning/choking/drowning/riddling/exploding/eviscerating/starving/gassing/freezing/or just dying of disease.
How: Join now!
When, where and who: Mid-twentieth international superpowers.
Why: MADness, indecision. Maybe.
What: Definitely nukes. We’re definitely going to use them if provoked. Definitely. You’d better not blink.
How: Any minute now. Any minute now. ANYMINUTENOW oh god please don’t blink.
When, where and who: Late-twentieth century newspapers.
Why: Hubris.
What: The internet.
How: Ignore it, it’ll never catch on.
When, where and who: Twenty-first century cosmopolitan internet browser.
Why: Boredom.
What: Boredom.
How: Reading pointless lists until that funny itchy sensation behind your eyes gently swells up and fills the inside of your cranium with blood.
When, where and who: The dynamic and exciting world of the future.
Why: Despair/lack of food/lack of additional future.
What: Heloderma spectacular, or the Greater Western Gila Monstrosity.
How: Throwing rocks at Heloderma spectacular. They hate that.