Preface
The following report was set up under stressful circumstances of limited time, budget, tools, and staff, in an atmosphere largely composed of pure poison. Nonetheless, it represents a unique and first precious glimpse of a culture of sapient beings hitherto entirely alien to us, spoken of only in rumours and bad sci-fi novels. No longer must we ask ourselves ‘is there someone out there?’ This question has been answered. This gap in our understanding has been filled. If nothing else, let this be the true fruit of our research, all else being but paltry additions to our library of knowledge in comparison to such a profoundly beautiful shifting of paradigm.
Introduction
The research team crashed onto the surface of Sol III due to navigational mishaps as a result of unauthorized ingestion of recreational ethanol-based substances by the helmsmen. After traditional staff discipline and reprimands was administered at high volume, repairs began, only to be interrupted by the arrival of several approaching pieces of local wildlife. To our astonishment, the creatures immediately began to investigate our vessel, testing its composition and dimensions systematically and periodically consulting one another for opinion and evidence. Intrigued by this unprecedented reaction, we began study. What follows is a distilled debrief of our findings.
Methodology
Senior Helmsman Squirb was sent out to investigate the aliens in close proximity, as it was felt his expertise having led us here made him the clear symbolic choice. No armour or protective gear was used, to avoid the appearance of hostility or ill intent.
Evidence
Senior Helmsman Squirb began his investigation by creating loud rhythmic noises at the airlock to catch the attention of the aliens while calling out to mission command to verify our ability to hear him. The combination drew the subjects in quickly and soon SH Squirb found himself in the privileged position of being the first to make contact with sapient aliens. He immediately waved his hands in the pattern-of-greeting, whereupon one of the aliens tried to eat his right limb. Luckily, it was a misunderstanding: it appears that the aliens were merely greeting him with their mouths.
SH Squirb, having made peaceful contact, then attempted to reach us with the intention of confirming his mission orders, but mission command deemed the risk of introducing the aliens to the interior of our vessel was too high and instead told him to continue the study. SH Squirb’s subsequent ruckus frightened the aliens away some small distance, and due to their considerable body mass SH Squirb was forced to flee with them or be trampled. Despite their skittish reaction the aliens remained tolerant of him, and he was permitted to mount one of them and be carried away to their home community some distance away.
The alien’s dwelling was a communal structure consisting of a large open interior crafted from cloven and shaped material drawn from the local gigaflora. SH Squirb was somewhat distracted at the time monitoring the behaviour and customs of his hosts and so – regrettably – cannot offer a full accounting of its construction, although he asserts that despite ample ventilation it smelled truly awful. The aliens confined themselves there with SH Squirb throughout the night until sunrise, when a bipedal animal (some sort of domesticate?) slunk into the building and the community departed into the fields en masse. SH Squirb, not wanting to alarm his hosts again, chose to re-enter the vessel by sneaking away and clambering through the starboard viewing port, whereupon he immediately began debriefing mission command as quickly and loudly as possible.
Analysis
Physiologically, the aliens are quadrupedal and herbivorous, subsisting on tough grasses and tender grains. Their bodies are heavyset and contain multiple stomachs, the rumbling of which may be a form of long-distance communication. No grasping appendages are in use besides the lips, which are large, dextrous, and exceedingly moist. The hide is covered with short black-and-white spotted hair and appears to be of extreme durability. Small horns adorned their skulls, without apparent use or function beyond the ceremonial or decorative. One individual possessed larger horns and was surprisingly large and aggressive; possibly a security guard or some sort of religious officiant. Infants are large and well-developed, and somewhat nimbler than the parents. The eyes are powerful and large, the ears gracefully elongated and tufted with guard hairs to keep out annoyances, pests, and harsh weather.
Sociologically they are highly advanced, living in perfect harmony with one another – several individuals even took ‘naps’ by resting their heads atop their friends’ backs, without so much as a word of protest or a request needed. The children are given much freedom to explore and play, although they seem to retain great fondness for their matrons. No violence or signs of violence was visible, and the naked and benign curiosity displayed towards us without so much as a hint of wariness or fear indicates that we may have much to learn from the wisdom of their society.
Communication appears to be largely oral-aural, with a surprisingly small vocabulary that gains deeper meaning through a complex arrangement of body language intonation, and possibly scent. A rudimentary dictionary of the alien language is thus possible (see below section), but grammar remains a mystery. A followup with an experienced linguistics team is urgently requested.
Exploratory (Hypothetical) Dictionary
“Mruuuuh.” Hello.
“Muuuuh.” I am interested in you.
“Moooo.” What is this?
“Moooooo-UNH.” Excuse me sir, please pay attention. .
“MREEEEAAA.” Run away very very quickly.
Conclusions
The inhabitants of Sol III are not only the first documented fellow sapients of the universe, they are exemplary. A full ambassador party is recommended at the earliest convenience to greet them as equals and comrades deserving of every dignity rather than mere test subjects, with a standing invitation to visit Krakkobulus as guests and friends. The stars are the right of all beings, and they may partake of our knowledge as freely as we may wish to partake of theirs.
If it weren’t for their distressing habit of defecating without care or apparent possibility of restraint, we dare to venture that we couldn’t have found a more perfect neighbour.
PS: It is the formal recommendation of mission command that SH Squirb, in addition to being entered into the historical record, should be relieved of his piloting license.