A Record of the Final Daily Specials of Old Eddie’s Pub n Grub
*Bean Soup*
A rich blend of sumptuously fatty pork, slow-cooked beans, and caramelized onion, augmented with secret spices from our secretive master chef!
*Soup de Yesterdaye*
A rich blend of sumptuously fatty pork, slow-cooked beans, and caramelized onion, augmented with secret spices from our secretive master chef and given an extra day or so to simmer and really get all those flavours mingling!
*Crunchy Salad*
Put some summer between your teeth and feel it crack! Crisp carrot and apple slivers with a selection of seeds and nuts, all hand-washed in a raspberry vinaigrette by our master chef and topped with flavoured ice shavings formed from clear glacier water!
*Mozarella Sticks*
Soft, melty, tasty cheesey goodness, breaded in fragrant herbed bread crumbs. Get a platter – or better yet, get two! Or even BETTER, guess what’s coming up day after tomorrow?
*An Old Favourite Returns!*
Try some freshly fried pork crackling hors d’oeuvres tonight topped with a breathtaking variety of mix-and-match sauces, and while you’re at it, ready yourselves for the triumphant return of what you’ve all been waiting for tomorrow night! Get a seat ready and set your Fridays to FUNdays!
*Bean Soup*
A rich blend of sumptuously fatty pork, slow-cooked beans, and caramelized onion, augmented with secret spices from our secretive master chef! Don’t miss it this time; it’s never too late to correct a mistake!
*Soup de Yesterdaye*
A rich blend of sumptuously fatty pork, slow-cooked beans, and caramelized onion, augmented with secret spices from our secretive master chef! Better try it now or you’re just proving you’re uncultured swine!
*Marinated Chicken Skewers*
Poke your nose into Monday tomorrow with a pokey little set of these in your belly. Chicken soaked in a cocktail of spices and herbs before being threaded onto rosemary stalks and seared to juicy goodness, then placed right on your plate not a minute from the grill! Almost as good as bean soup!
*Jumbo Shrimp*
The biggest and freshest shrimp in the finest breadcrumbs and the most golden frying but really this should be bean soup. It’s not bad, but it’s not bean soup. You could like this sort of thing if you like this sort of thing, I guess.
*Cabbage Rolls With Cabbage and No Beans*
Why did you not eat the bean soup? It’s a good recipe, my mother made it, my father loved it, my grandmother passed it down to us all. It put peasants on the farmland and on the battlefield and in the grave for centuries, and now you think you’re too good for it, is that what’s going on? Have some cabbage rolls and choke on them dry and flavourless. Like your souls.
Your last chance comes tomorrow.
*Bean Soup*
Eat the soup or eat shit.
*Now Hiring!*
Our dish of the day is… a career in delicious food service! Why not step in? Bring your most mouth-watering resume, and don’t skimp on the references! We’re STARVED for applicants!
*Fried Basket – NEW CHEF SPECIAL!!!*
We all welcome new hands in the kitchen, and those hands are eager to get to know you too – or at least your stomachs! Welcome our new master chef by purchasing a delicious fried basket, consisting of everything from wings to pickles to chicken fingers, topped with a delectable fried mars bar!
*Club Sandwiches*
You’d have to be knocked over the head to pass up on one of these bruisingly-good meals! Fresh crusty bread in FOUR layers, encompassing cheeses, meats, vegetables, and a new sauce on every level!
*Macaroni and Cheese and Bean Soup – NEW CHEF MEMORIAL SPECIAL!*
Put the FUN in today’s funereal special with a salute to our old new master chef and a welcome-home to our old old master chef, featuring both their best dishes: golden and crumbly mac and cheese and a rich blend of sumptuously fatty pork, slow-cooked beans, and caramelized onion, augmented with secret spices from our secretive master chef! Memorial service from ten pm until we’re all too drunk to stay awake.
*Bean Soup*
You didn’t finish all the bean soup but you ate all the macaroni and cheese this disrespect will not be tolerated.
*Donuts*
Try a basket of fresh-fried soft moist crisp and delicious donuts, complete with dipping sauces! Officers of the law, feel free to stop by! Very free. We’ll give you the donuts free. Please visit. Please please visit quickly. PLEASE. Help help help.
*Meat Pies – NEW MANAGEMENT SPECIAL!*
Try a mouth-watering browned pastry packed to the BRIM with aged, marbled fat cut from the biggest pig you’ve ever met. From the knife to the table within twelve hours! Served with a hot ‘Sweeney’ toddy, made with secret house spices.
*Shepherd’s Pie*
‘Meat’ our health inspector’s visit this evening with a belly full of Shepherd’s pie! Warmed to perfection and left with a hint of steamy simple herbs. Contains everything that couldn’t be packed into the meat pies, but also delicious potatoes!
*Ladyfingers – HEALTH INSPECTOR MEMORIAL SPECIAL*
In memorial of our health inspector, whom many of you knew for years, we will be serving ladyfingers tonight. Juicy, meaty, falling-off-the-bone. Served with plum sauce, because she would’ve wanted them that way.
*Long Pork*
Get a piece of the forbidden taste with this most slender and succulent of ‘swine.’ No seasoning or sauces; the point is in the ‘pig.’ Applicants for early tasting come around through the rear alley and don’t look behind you. Healthy yet plump only, please.
*Molotov Cocktails*
A sumptuous bottle of vodka, half-drained, filled to the brim with oil and topped with a wick flambé before hurtling right into your lap. I’ll take every one of you bastards down with me I swear if you can’t appreciate what’s on your plate maybe YOU should be on the plate MAN IS MEAT MEAT IS MAN MAN IS MEAT MEAT IS MAN MAN MEAT MEAT MAN MAN MEAT MEAT MEAT ME
*Future Site of a New McDonalds!*